I was dating my High School sweetheart
for about two years. It was almost prom season and we were all thinking about college. Except, I was running around trying to finish an internship in order for my conditional acceptance to the CIA ( Culinary Institute of America) to be moved to fully accepted.
My Boyfriend had graduated the previous year and was out in the work force while attending college classes, so needless to say, well all had a full plate. After years of friendship, we knew each other well enough that although time was no longer a luxury we had, we would make the best of it. Luckily, I had a half day on his day off. He would pick me up from school so we could hang out or go somewhere.
It was my favorite thing to do all week. We were a classic goth couple, children of the night and always dressed to impress. These were the days I pulled out the lace, the corsets, the pvc, the leather, the boots, the gloves, you name it. I was his Goth princess. Mr. W was 6’2 with dark hair and pale skin, much like me but I was 5’3 making me tiny next to him but the boots helped give me a few inches extra!
Sadly, things took a turn with his schedule
so we were only able to see each other once a week, sporadically, and that meant that sometimes we didnt see each other at all, but we spoke every day on the phone, and exchanged letters when we did see each other. I missed him terribly, and I know he missed me too. The conversations also started getting less frequent and I remember the “this is getting so hard to see you with our schedules” conversation which should have really been a red flag but I was dumb and in love.
Walking across the East Village to the west side with my bestie, I complained about missing him. She did her best to cheer me up and give words of encouragement, but I was in my feelings. That is, until we saw Carlos. He always put a smile on my face! Mostly because he was so hot ( dont judge me, I was 17). He had long light brown hair, a classic goatee, tattoos and 5 tongue piercings. He was an artist, and worked at an art supply boutique. Seriously, he was dreamy and I always fantasized of having a Draw me like one of your french girls, jack moments, but that never happened.
He was always happy to see us
and that day was no different. We started chatting and basically he mentioned having been with Mr. W recently. “Really?’ I questioned. He sheepishly tried to back track and reminded me how close they lived to each other and that they got together to watch wrestling etc. “So you haven’t seen him?” he asked, kinda scared. The red flag was hoisted here folks! “Have you guys, er.. Spoken?” he searched my face for the answer but was met with confusion. “ Is something going on?” I finally asked. He tried to laugh it off and blah blah blah me into a safe space but It didn’t work. He said “Look, its not my place to say, but you guys should talk, that’s all I can say.” he threw his hands up and we left it there. We hugged him goodbye and we left.
Half a block in silence
and I said “Fuck it, I’m going back! Wait for me at Barnes and Noble.” Leaving my friend behind, I ran to the store, busted through the door and said “Tell me. Now.” Carlos sighed deeply, locked the door, took my hand and brought me upstairs to the studio. It was exactly how the movies portrayed an art studio and for a second I got lost in the beauty as he lifted me onto a table and said “Look.”
Rubbing his face with his hands he says “Its no secret that I like you, so coming from me doesn’t look right.” “Carlos!” I pleaded “You’re fucking hot..” he whispers into my ear. I am literally shaking. Here is Dreamy Mc Dreamboat telling me he thinks I’m hot, literally whispering into my ear everything he wanted to do to me at that moment, so please know that my soul just left my body. I think my heart stopped ya’ll.
“Carlos please!”
I said, whimpering. It took everything in my person to not give in to this Goth King, I was weak as hell! He squeezed my thighs “Ok…” a lump formed in my throat, my heart was racing from the excitement but now it just turned to fear. “Tell me” I breathed.
“Remember how I said Mr. W comes over to watch wrestling?” he raised an eyebrow at me. I nodded and he continued. “Well, one day he asked if he could bring over a friend, and I said sure. Soon he just started bringing this girl over all the time which was no biggie to me until they started kissing.” He immediately grabbed my hand. “He’s with someone else Drea. I’m so sorry.”
He pulled me into a tight hug
expecting me to ball my eyes out but I was shocked. “Are you ok?” he asked softly. “Uhum..” I nodded. He lifted my chin with his thumb and forefinger. searching my face he sighs “I love when you give me those big brown eyes”. Here is where I died again for the second time and really lost sight of why I was there. Instinctively I reached out to hug him again, tightly, fighting the tears, because I wasn’t going to cry. I loosened my grip a little as I began to calm down. He kissed me, and I let him. That escalated quickly.
“let me worship you…”
he says, like a true Goth King. He smiled but sadly, because he knew my heart was broken and he knew that I wouldn’t consent. “I can’t.” I smiled just as sadly back. “I gotta go.” I sighed, as I jumped off the table and grabbed my stuff. He walked me out and kissed my hand as I was leaving. “Amor, I’ll be waiting here for you whenever you’re ready.” “Oh, FUCK!” I stammered. “Omg, Aura!” “Cariño” he purred “she’s knows how I feel, and she’s waiting for you too, if you want.” he gave me a pat on the ass out the door and I left. Angry, confused and excited all at the same time.
I found my bff and told her what happened while we rode the train home. Getting off at 42nd street on the E train, we walked the tunnel to catch the N train. This was the best route to get to my house. We were still turning over all the details about my conversation with Carlos when I dug my nails into her arm. “No fucking way” I chuckled as I pointed for her to see what I saw. Mr. W was walking towards us holding hands with a tall ass goth chick with huge tiddies. He was lost in conversation but all I could see were those giant breasts getting closer to me. ( clearly I felt some type of way since I was a B cup and thought they were cute, be her tits were gorgeous, and I seethed with jealousy).
It all happened so fast
but he must have felt us staring because he locked eyes with me and my friend. He quickly threw her hand, as if we didn’t see him holding it the whole time and made as if to say my name but before he could say anything, me and my bestie looked at each other, then back at him and cackled while waving goodbye. “Andrea!” he finally squeezed out, so I turned, blew him a kiss and wagged my finger No at him.
I wouldn’t take his calls for a while.
Shortly after, I went back to see Carlos for lip service and coffee. I was hurting and he offered me comfort. Aura met us after and held me like a baby, stroking my hair while I raged because I still couldn’t find the tears. “It was the tiddies, baby” she cooed. “He was mesmerized by them.” “I mean, they were great” I mumbled. Swatting my ass gently, we both giggled.
Wrapping me in her over sized sweater, I played with her soft blond hair as she rained kisses on my forehead and cheeks. The affection was helpful, as she meant to mend me too. “We are here for you” she said, entwining her fingers in mine. We drank our coffees holding hands and laying on each other on a big couch. In our little nest I felt safe, and not at all weird about what had just happened with Carlos. As if reading my thoughts, she kissed me and said “It’s all right baby.” They walked me to the train, both kissing me goodbye and I went home. ( If you saw the last season of YOU where the NDA came out, that was me, in confusion.)
They would have made great sex magic partners. Click the link to read more about that.
Side Note:
I didn’t see Carlos again for a while until we ran into each other at the Albion on my 18th Birthday. I was seeing my first husband at the time but when Carlos saw me, he let out a giant roar of happiness! Excited, I ran towards him. He lifted me into the air, smashing his face into my chest while turning me in circles as we laughed and he kissed my cheeks. He saw my fangs and I saw the look in his eyes.
The Fuck me eyes were strong
When he was putting me down. Squeezing him tightly so he would listen, “I’m here with someone” I giggled and he quickly went to shake everyone’s hand- Forever Goth King Vibes. I don’t have many regrets but this was probably one of them though I wasn’t a good candidate for a thruple lol.
Back to the story…
I was ready to talk.
We spoke, he apologized and asked to see me. I was numb but I wanted to look at his face.
We saw each other and the pain ripped through me like a million paper cuts. My skin burned with rage, hate and pain, but I wasn’t ready to feel that yet. We hugged at some point, even kissed, but we broke up that day. We were really in two different places and I couldn’t look at him the same anymore. I made him promise to take me to prom. There were too many people who were waiting to hear we broke up and didn’t make it. I wasn’t giving anyone that satisfaction, so I kept the break up quiet. Still, I didn’t mourn, I wanted him to feel my pain.
They say revenge is a dish best served cold.
My revenge was arctic. He got to see me run away with my much older lover, in the old school Rolls-Royce that brought us, as I watched him from the back window and waved goodbye to him for the last time. Mr. W broke my heart but that night, after breaking his I drowned my grief in vodka red bulls and kisses in the dark. This was where I belonged, in these arms, and so, I didn’t need to process this pain. I was living my dream life.
Until those dreams were dashed on the rocks of pride.
but that’s another story