When it feels like tomorrow isn’t possible …

March 3, 2021

When you don’t own your own property …

We have a terrible eye sore for a front “lawn”. Its a piece of land that is somehow part of the house. There is hardly any dirt, just a few inches poured over the concrete foundation, currently covered with rocks. Probably done to limit the grass growth, but guess what? The fucking grass, still manages to grow!!! So we are stuck cutting it… I digress. 

The point is, I can’t plant anything in that ground as there isn’t enough for roots to hold on to and redoing this patch for a rented property is an expense I really don’t want to take on, so we have some pots! ( they were also part of the property and boi, are they ugly!) I have thrown all sorts of new dirt, plant food, compost, you name it! The grass, once again, wins. 

What can I do? … 

I’m left with the two large planters on the tops of the steps. They had managed to keep flowers alive, and a few vincas over the years, but all I wanted was a flowering garden </3 ( I have a patch of dirt in the back, but that is veggie country, its too small for flowers and i love my fresh veggies!) I’ve done a few things that have helped make it less ugly, including letting a pumpkin grow wild out of one of the lower ugly pots! It provided cover for that land, so the grass stood no chance!!! Also, I got squash blossoms, and a few pumpkins for the fall, win!! 

The plan… 

My grand mother for years, has told me to plant tulips in the front. They’re beautiful and don’t require much, they do all the work mostly but the colors…. The colors are what make it all worth it! In my effort to effective change the entire look of this thing, I didnt plant any, especially, as I previously mentioned, there was hardly any dirt. Then March 2020 happened. 

The Lockdown 

The lockdown was in full effect, everyone was in a panic. Day after day of worrying, anxiety, not knowing what tomorrow would bring other than fear and death. This was a living nightmare for everyone. Tragedy struck at every avenue as we braced ourselves for the next onslaught. Humanity was under siege and was outmatched. The days of plentiful food shelves were gone, meat was hard to get and over priced. 

Finally forced to step out, I saw turkey’s in the display cases because there wasn’t much else. I HATE turkey ; But this isn’t a pandemic post exactly, this is about tulips – 

I was cut off from the world, and family. All I wanted was to see my mom and my grandma, to look at my friends in the eye but I couldn’t. We did what we had to, and we stayed inside. The two week mark was up, we all probably thought that was it, but it wasn’t. We soldiered on.. – the tulips, drea! Sorry. 

The struggle continued

At the end of April, I was out of my mind but playing the pretend game, where you smile all day, are excessively cheerful or agree to do anything that your husband and child want just so there are no fights or discomfort, then you take a shower and crying yourself clean, while turning up the temperature so that your eyes aren’t the only things that are red. You do that some more, and then when everyone is asleep…you ugly cry into your pillow as you pray for the longevity of your loved one’s and the world. Once again, I digress. 

Gardening was on the list of “lock down to do’s” but this was a staple for us, So we packed ourselves into the car, armed with sanitizer, masks and gloves. The plan was to stay outside and away from everyone. The agreement was if it got crowded, drop everything and leave. Luck was on our side that day. 

The mulch and dirt was in the parking lot on pallets, so we loaded it onto carts and headed towards the register. I still had seeds from the previous year and plenty of pots but then I saw them, and my heart sank. Carts and carts of tulips, daffodils, hyacints and crocuses. brushing away those few tears that were forming, and spending more than I should have, I got my tulips, the hyacinth and some crocus. 

Its planting time! 

While everyone else worked on mulching the walking paths, I got to work on these plants. Crocus to the front, tulips in the middle and hyacinths on the sides. An oath was made that spring would no longer be heralded by Puxatawny and some calendar! I still love you Phil but I’m leaving this one to the blooming flowers and the birds at my window screaming for sex, smh. Me too birds, me too lol. 

The Hyacinth was for Deam Lux. Missing my coven, and not knowing when we could circle again was scary af. I dug in the dirt and asked these plant babies to bloom, grow and return next season, in hopes that when Ostara came around again, they would be blooming, calling the coven on the wind, escorting them inside. 

I picked some vibrant colors for the tulips, representing my mom and my grandma and a gothy looking purple one for me. In that chaos of color, they all fit, perfectly, and beautiful. Speaking to the tulips, my wish was that they would come back again, so my grandma could see them. She needs to see them. I need her to see them. I snapped some pictures, sent them to mom and said “Show grandma!”. We got on a call later, “I can’t wait for you to see them, these are for you.”

Almost a year later… 

Last week, as I walked the dog in the still frigid air or late February as I walked up the steps, I felt a little nudge. I turned my view to the planters, that were covered in dead weeds and grass from the winter. The snow was gone and something told me to pull at those dead plants. Voila! HELLO crocus sprouts! Two days later the green blades of the tulips shot up. Yesterday the head of a hyacinth was almost all the way out! The birds are screaming in the morning and the air is lighter. Spring in here, doing what it promised- It brought tomorrow! Waiting on a few more degrees of warmth then it’s off to whisk grandma over the river and into New Jersey.

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