Back to work so a restless night was guaranteed.  It was only natural to roll around and be annoyed by stupid thoughts, feeding fears and adding up all of my failures of course I started off the morning at 4:18 am. The dog needed to go out… Really Chewy? Really? My husband and I both woke up and he was quickly dealt with, running back to his bed unaware that sleep is important to the humans. I laid there till it was time to get up, feeling better prepared for the day after talking myself off the ledge again.

Got up, unbraided my hair and Poof! Restless sleep + Rolling around = Halo of frizz. I was rough and stuff with my afro puff! Thank heaven for Tre semme Gel , I grabbed it all up and put it into a fluffy, yet cute pony tail.

Hubby put together a cute outfit and gifted it to me for the holidays so of course, I wanted to look adorable.  I quickly put it on and it fit great! Grabbed the stockings and “rip”, Sigh.  Deep eye rolls while reaching for the clear nail polish. I can’t save the stockings but I could at least wear them today. Grabbed the car keys… “Where are my house keys?” digging through my empty purse, in my coat pockets, ransacked my dresser… No keys.

Deep Breaths!!!!

Found them… in my empty purse. Kissed my Kiddo goodbye, kissed the hubby and ran out the door 4 minutes later than I wanted, with plenty of time to still get a parking spot.

It was drizzling but not too bad, cool but it felt great. I was driving… and then I was driving into oncoming traffic… How you might ask? Somewhere between making a turn I didn’t get into the correct lane and was headlight to headlight with another car, luckily it was far away , yet it spooked me and at 20 mph it was no biggie but still, that was dumb.

Where was my head? I pulled over, cleared my mind then continued to work. Three blocks from the school, I slam on my breaks and avoid having the front of my car ripped off. The guy also stopped, never looking at me for a second. No word of apology, no look to make sure I didn’t have a heart attack or got hurt, nothing. All you heard were the muffled curses I hurled at him through my windshield while I gripped the wheel and steadied my heart. I parked the car and sat back with the engine and the lights off.

I thought of all the annoying things that had happened that morning and how they bought me those few extra minutes that could have cost me more than a red face, momentary shock and rage. I exhaled deeply, not realizing that I had been holding my breath. He wasn’t going fast enough to have killed me but I could have been hurt, or he could have. His lack of caring was another story. I can’t imagine what was going through his mind, but I hope he thought about me later.

The law of attraction is a real thing and I believe in it, but I also know that when shit is going to happen to you, it’s going to happen. What you do about it and how you handle it is entirely up to you and for that I try to be thankful, even if I’m angry about it. That’s not to say that the universe doesn’t intercede on our behalf. Today was a great example.  “Get your head out of your ass!” was heard loud and clear though it took a second warning. The Universe/God/ddess/Spirit/Angels/ Entities what have you, exist! Tapping into those frequencies, I think, can help avoid some unnecessary lessons/issues/accidents/mishaps etc so thank you crazy dog for being a pest… to the mischievous spirit that helped me tear my stocking and not find my keys, Lola and I thank you for making us late. Thank you empty parking spot for being there and letting me decompress and think about a few things, including my mortality. Which lead me to ask “So what now for the New Year? Any thoughts brain?”

I stopped making new year’s resolutions a little while ago, I found that I never really kept them, for an assortment of reasons but decided that it would be a good idea to reflect, and focus on the things that mattered the most to me, the projects, the people, whatever it was and set some goals. No deadlines, just goals and some affirmations here and there to spice things up!

Affirmations and Goals for 2017

1. Acceptance. Things never go the way you want them to so stop trying to make them! Enjoy whatever happiness something/someone can give you, no matter how short lived. Find the good in any situation, sometimes you have to look extra hard, and a couple of times to find it, but it’s there!

2. Let go. Letting go of things and people that no longer serve you, no matter how painful.  Being alone is better than being in bad company (thanks mom for the “refranes” ) I need to focus on letting go of hang-ups.  They’re getting too heavy to carry. I am fortunate to have some really great people in my life

3. Living Healthy. What does that mean to you? Many people ran to join a gym; I was one of those individuals on more than one occasion. This year I took a moment to think about what “Healthy” meant. My physical, my mental and my spiritual health all need attention. I started some happy vibes spell work and will be visiting the doctor to go over some questions about my overall physical/mental self.

4. Fight for your rights, to be heard, to be acknowledged, to be loved, for the things you want, the things you need, fight to be human. Stand up and face adversity no matter how many times it knocks you down. Keep getting up no matter how hard it gets and eventually you will overcome.  This Year I will be fighting PCOS head on.

5. Feed the Creative. Everyone likes to make or do something! Sing, dance, draw, paint, write, make people laugh, acting, crafts, cooking, sports, whatever! Feeding the creative nourishes your soul and gives you strength to get through hard times without you realizing it. This is your stress relief, your go to for “punching it out” so give the creative some breathing room, it will make you happier.

6. Love yourself completely! Spoil yourself, learn every inch of your skin, even the parts that make you upset or you wish weren’t there, love those parts extra hard! Learn about what makes you happy, what makes you smile or laugh so hard you cry ( or pee! Lol) Then share that with others. When you love yourself you set a standard, and those that truly love you will exceed those standards without breaking a sweat, why? Because you’re worth it!

7. Know who they are and make time for them. A simple how are you can come at a moment when they are falling into the abyss but the light of your text message can bring them back even for just a moment to remind them that you care.

8. We are all busy but time is something we don’t get back. Make time for simple pleasures, waste time doing fun and unproductive things. Give your time to the people who matter the most, it’s the best gift ever. Don’t forget to make time for yourself as well.

9. Look back but don’t go back. The past always looks beautiful or better or easier from the present but the reality is, that things have changed, for either good or bad and that was a decision you made. Learn from it but don’t go backwards, your feet aren’t pointing that way. There is plenty ahead of you.

10. Go for it! Fear is crippling. Take chances, go after your dreams, try new things. Believe people when they say nice things about you. Believe that you are enough. I wear fear like underwear, it’s always there with me, forgotten until it starts to ride up my ass, and if you’ve ever seen my ass, you know that’s an easy accomplishment. If I was a superhero I would be Captain Fear and my side kick would be Worrywart.  So this year I’m going commando and wearing fear like a coat instead. To use only when needed and necessary.

11. Forgiving can be really hard to do. I choose to forgive myself for all of the dumb thoughts I have had and still have. I will forgive myself for the things I am working on and still fall short from. I will forgive myself for not being the best me I know I can be and have been. Now I can heal.

12. Be a witch! Own your power! Know your strength, work on weaknesses. Shake your fist at the world and say “This is what I want so Gimme!” some things will come easy, some will never come and others may take a few tries but we can manifest change and progress so let’s be the best witch we can be!

13. Cook! Last but not least, let’s make some magical food!  Looking forward to putting up more recipes and blogs this year!

Picture Credit :  (Me) That’s my Chewy looking apologetic.. I can’t be mad at him for long!

The Food? It’s all I’ve ever known. My first glimpse of a memory was the taste of a scallion mom gave me to ease a growing tooth. How helpful was it? Not really! I gave it back. The rest is a whirl of steam, cilantro, and typical Ecuadorian foods. When my family lived in Jackson Heights, Queens, my Mother entertained our entire family practically every Sunday. She and my grandmother came home from work to make sure we all got a hot meal. I didn’t grow up eating fast food ( that was a rare treat).

I started my young adult life full of exuberance and the “making a difference” complex. I wanted my life to mean something and so I decided that being a doctor was the best way for me to do that. Enter sophomore year of HS where I interned at Bellevue hospital for three years translating Spanish and Portuguese. My first day took me to the elusive F wing, which to my surprise was where they kept the mentally ill patients. Long story short, the patient threatened to kill us all and jump out of a window, which I translated, verbatim, and excused myself to run crying down the hall to the elevator.

I went back. Spent most of my time in the OB/GYN ward, which is the specialty I was so looking forward to enter. My senior year brought about many changes, including a swift left turn. I was going to be a Chef. Trying to tell my mother turned out to be a giant cluster f*ck full of pain, resentment and overall sadness. She couldn’t get why i wanted to do this and I couldn’t explain that I would probably end up a suicide from all of the heartache I has already seen and more to come in the future.

I did an early admissions application, it was all sink or swim for me. I worked at Dean and Deluca and started experimenting with food, trying to get a handle of the kitchen I loved but never really got to know. I dabbled, trying to make meals with my childhood best friend Monique that always cheered by clapping vigorously when edible things were set down in front of her. We focused mostly on breakfast items and traditional cheese empanadas covered in sugar (yes, this is totally weird but so delicious!) with hot chocolate.

My acceptance letter arrived in January and I was overjoyed, until I got to the bottom of the letter… I needed to have 6 months worth of kitchen experience in order to be fully accepted. My heart sank. I was 16 and didn’t know how I was going to accomplish this at my age with no experience getting a kitchen job was going to be a hardship. I decided that my best course of action was to volunteer, free labor will prevail. I got the sunday Times and circled all the hotel and restaurant ads I could find. I mailed 50 copies of a letter explaining my situation, what I needed and how willing I was to work for FREE!

Three weeks later I received one response. One. Naturally I jumped at the opportunity, and completed my 6 month requirement. Side note: I was miserable. The chef hated me and made me cry every day. Told me I wouldn’t be able to finish. I promised to visit him and rub my diploma in his face… when I graduated I went to the restaurant but it was no longer there, karma I guess.

Graduating from the Culinary Institute of America was an incredible accomplishment. Mom had come around and was even learning cooking tips from me! I was ready to take on the world and landed my first job at Tavern on the green.

After a year on the job I had my daughter, my greatest accomplishment ever. I moved around after that from restaurants to catering companies, learning and growing. I even worked with the Board of Education in New York for their School Food division. That place really taught me the ins and outs of budgets, deadlines, codes, chain of command, and general looking good while you wing it sometimes!

The Winds of change swept through my life again and blew me across the river into New Jersey where I now live. I was an instructor for Star Career Academy for three years which was an incredibly rewarding experience, imparting what I have learned over the years to a younger and sometimes older generation of people that just want to make great food!

Today I am using my culinary skills and combining them with my love for the Goddess, Witchcraft and my passion for writing.

Stay Tuned for the next post!

Picture credit : Bon Appetit

The food, and the witchcraft go hand in hand for me. For as long as I can remember these two things were being cultivated in my tiny child brain without even realizing it. My mother and grandmother, both devout Catholics never felt that the folk remedies, petitions to saints, or the evil eye egg warding were anything else but part of how they grew up.

My sister on the other hand was not so quiet and dabbled in different things. Through her adult life she searched for many ways to commune with God and today I think she’s happy with what she finds to be her spirituality, but does not fall short on her clairvoyance!!. Me? I found her tarot deck and was mesmerized by the images and that, I think, is where the seed was planted, even though I didn’t know it yet.

Fast forward through some childhood drama, Sunday school catechisms and divorced parents. At the tender age of thirteen, still holding on to my Catholic faith, I broke. I shattered into a thousand pieces and the “God” I knew and loved, who had never responded before, left me silently crying myself to sleep for the last time. I found solace in the emptiness of it all and healed my broken self with no faith to hold on to.

I was on the tail end of the ugly duckling stage some girls go through and of course boys started to notice me. Long story short, i reached into my mind and remembered how much I loved mythology and my love for the Gods officially bloomed inside of my heart when I asked Venus for help with a particular boy. With no prior experience, no books or the internet, I prayed. I prayed that she would hear me. That she would take pity on me and make this boy TJ love me!

Not a week later, he passed me the first “note” ( this was before we had cell phones and could text!) and the many notes to follow that I still have, till this day as a keepsake from my youth. We had our moment which lead to heartbreak of course. He liked another girl and didn’t like me anymore. This girl confronted me in the hall of my JHS, as he still must have talked about me, and out right asked me if I was a Wiccan! “A what?” I looked at her like she had three heads. She holds up her silver pentacle on a black string and asks. “Know what this is? Are you a witch?” “Nope” and I kept it moving.

There was some gossip about this girl being a witch who casted a spell so we would break up and it was all surreal to me, but my curiosity was piqued and from that day, I fell down the rabbit hole holding Silver Raven Hawk’s Teen witch and came out on the other side where my faith came back to me again.

I dedicated myself to Venus that year and venerated her for many years to follow. I went through some trial and error, read tons of books, learned about witchcraft and its many forms and traditions. I practiced with different people, attended a few public rituals but kept it mostly quiet and to myself. Life went on…
I had a child, a daughter. My dreams of grandeur as a high profile celebrity chef went on the back burner for the moment, or at least I told myself that, because Isis really did come first now. I landed my first supervisory job at a catering company and this is where I met Natalie. For the second time in my life I was asked, “Are you Wiccan?”.

She and I would go on a different spiritual Journey together but ultimately the Moon and the Goddess called us back to her and so we began practicing Witchcraft together. After some amazing experiences and initiations, we created The Oracular Tradition and run the  Deam Lux Coven  as it’s High Priestesses.